Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

[a4gturn]

I need to talk to someone who understands...
O
Friday was weird for me. I was in the pits walking around, looking for a place to stand and watch. I was at different locations throughtout the pits but I was strangely drawn back to the GG trailer each time I stopped elsewhere. Weird because I have always been a Bear fan.
I stood at the east end of GG trailer leaning againest the corner. I was kind of peeking around watching the turn out of pylon 9. I had thought before about what might happen if something broke while in that turn, but never more than today...weird. I saw the whole sequence from the turn to imact....shock, horror seeing the debris in the air. From my vantage it looked like it crashed into the grandstands and what I was seeing was bodies in the air...I turned around and walked to my car immediately, like a zombie...don't even remember driving but I do remember a seemingly endless number of emergency vechiles going towards Stead.

Wayne, don't post this if don't think it's appropriate. I know you wouldn't anyway. I had to get this out...I'm still in shock and disbelief.

[De Camara]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

I was southbound on the 5 outta the bay....

Dying for a check up of AAFO for Reno updates, since its an automatic reaction since the age of seemingly 0 in regard to warbirds/races....

And saw Sandy's post thatt GG went into the stands.....

I have a pretty high tolerance for alot of "stuff".....
But I found out in about 5 minutes how human reality is.

A hair raising scenario.

I haven't slept well.....

But as we "talk this out"....

I admit, I am feeling better.
Not good though.

A loss of a hero

bystanders/fans....

All I wanted to do, was figure out, how I could do an over nighter, and let my two little ones experience the greatest race on earth.


Just in shock.



Doc

[Pylon1_Mark]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

Hell, I wasn't even there and I've been effected by this in a huge way.

I was home eating dinner what my father called and told me the news. Couldn't eat another bite afterward and am still having difficulty even getting up an appetite. Anyway, as soon as I could I rushed into my office, fired up the computer, and went on a quest for understanding what happened and why - and I still find myself looking, reading, contemplating, but most of all - worried as all heck about the people I know & friends that were or could have been in attendance. Most have checked in here already... still waiting on others so it's far from a done deal.

I have a feeling everyone is in the same boat, maybe grieving in a different way, but the effect of this will be a long lasting one for all race fans. Getting it out is good therapy - and great to have a place where everyone else understands what you are going through since they are going through it themselves. I'm sure it will get better in time - it's just not that time yet for me.

Reading though all the posts here is helping a ton - thanks everyone.

[doubleup]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

It is interesting the way I feel. I have a cut on my face and one on my arm to remind me right now and I feel incredibly guilty for the way I feel!! Knowing that others were lost, severely injured, lost loved ones...I feel like I don't have a right to feel the way I do. I went from thinking the end was near to being fine. Trying to find answers to questions that have no answer is tough.

Bottom line this site and the discussions had here are within a family and that family has come together in this time. I would be lost without this site and some very close friends right now.

[KAHNZILLA]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

I had reserve seating B row 1 #26 and may have been there but I went to the car to get a sketch I was giving to a new friend in the VIP section.

I watched the race from the VIP Tent section and watched Jimmy fly over knowing there was a problem. My feeling is very hallow inside and yes better from Friday, but still. My heart goes out to the families. Thanks, KC

[spacegrrrl]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

I was about three bleachers up the general stands about 70 yards east of the impact. At one point GG was heading right were I was. Somehow in jumping up I impaled my left palm with my right pinky finger fingernail and tore the nail off. I didn't even realize it until some time later when I saw I had blood all over my hands.

Since I've had the same 6 seconds looping in my head. When I was driving back to Seattle Saturday I was trying to remember what my health insurance covers for grief councilling. I'll see where I am in a week and I may have to try and talk to someone professionally if I haven't got clear if it.

Michele

[Embdad]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

I was on the Voodoo trailer. Let me tell everyone from expierence, talk to anyone and everyone that will listen. This helps the healing and it will take about a year to get completely through this and back to even ground. Keep talking here we are all listening.

[Racefan4ever]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

It was supposed to be a father/son road trip weekend. The plan was to drive from San Jose up to Truckee on Friday, do a little fishing Friday afternoon, take in the races on Saturday and head home on Sunday. My first trip to the air races was in 1980 when I was a dirt poor college student. As my children were growing up, air race weekend was always my “get away” weekend. This was going to be my 25 year old son’s first exposure to this amazing event and I was very excited to walk through the pit area and give him the historical background of the different types of planes and of the specific planes we were going to see. We were out fishing at Prosser Reservoir when my wife calls me on my cell phone and tells me there has been a terrible accident at the races… A plane has crashed into the crowd.. What?!... Oh my god. It doesn’t register right away.. she must have it wrong. My son pulls out his smart phone and finds the news bulletin on yahoo and reads me the details we all know now. I am standing in this beautiful scene of a mountain lake trying to imagine the tragic scene that must exist just 40 miles away. Text messages start coming in from friends..”R U ok? “Yes, we are okay”. Well no… not really.
Thanks for providing this place to express our feelings. My thoughts and prayers are we all affected by this horrible accident.

Chuck Luce

[sandramore]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

Mark, I wasn't there either. Money's been really tight, so I'd opted to only go out one day, and figured I'd go Saturday or Sunday.

What's strange for me is how guilty I feel for not being there. I know it doesn't make sense.

After sending messages to Chad and Ryan (couldn't find Kirk's email...), and other crews where I have friends, I just felt helpless.

I attended my first air race at 10 yrs old, and worked my first race crew at 15 yrs, the year I met Jimmy. I've lost so many friends through the years, but Jimmy's death has struck me harder than even I could have anticipated.

I've been so thankful all weekend for this forum. Being here has given me something to do and another way to surround myself with friends who understand. I wonder if you all know how important you are to me. We have a great air race family, and I'm grateful for you all.

Oh, and Shawn, I'm so glad to see you here. You're one of those folks I couldn't get hold of. I was glad to see you were safe and sound.

[flyingjibus]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

I was in the top half of section three, about 100 yards from the impact. There was a moment when the ghost was pointed directly at us. I knew jimmy was in bad trouble the second he came off the race line. I managed to get about three "oh no's" out and stand there and watch. I specifically remember the point at which I knew he wasnt going to hit us, and I also remember being ready to get down between the bleachers if I needed to.
After the impact I sat down and buried my head in my hands before the debris had even settled, I could feel small bits of stuff hitting me. I then stood up and did a quick headcount of all my people, all amounted for I then took the one look at the crash site that I could allow myself, I only remember a few things from that glance, mainly how small all the pieces were and how bright the green paint on the inside of all the pieces was. There was also what looked like an Orange and white checkered parachute fluttering around.
From my vantage point it really looked like he hit the bottom half of the grandstands and the full implications of what just happened hit me as I was looking at that chute thing. I turned away and walked down to the handicapped tent that is behind section three, sat down and cried for about two minutes.

And now I'm crying again.

I need to stop this post for now.

Jimmy you were my hero and I will miss you.

[a4gturn]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

We are all grieving together as an air race family. There are others who need to express their thoughts...I hope they read these posts and then tell us about their experience...it all helps me....

[spacegrrrl]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

One other thing that struck me was the sick feeling I had the moment it was clear Jimmy was past any chance of recovery. It was the same feeling I had when I watched the Super Corsair go down in flames. You just knew there was no way it could end well.

Spacegrrrl

[wolfee]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

Space... I still have that feeling in my stomach... I just have this constant feeling I'm going to puke my guts out..

[John H]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

We were in the pits (my friends and I, same group of people that always watch together). At the pull up, I knew immediately that something had broken. Airplanes do not exit the course that way ever. I started heading away from the fence line, and now realize, if it was heading towards us there would have been no way out. I watched it and knew what was going to happen and just said oh no. As it went down, my thoughts were that it's going right into the main grandstand and there's going to be 200 people killed. I can still see those 3-5 seconds over and over in my head. I had been through this before with the Levitz crash and I knew it was coming at some point so I did not scream, or go crazy when it happened. I told a co worker Thursday before I left about this scenario, I just didn't think an airplane would go into or near the stands.

I'm not having a good day today and started crying at work on my break. We're all just trying to get through this. It's like a time bomb with me and my grief is increasing. I'm learning to be more patient with customers on the phone today and not take out my sadness on them. Thankfully this actually is making me appreciate life more than ever and try not to get too upset at stupid things, like the dope taking all day in the check out line in front of me at 7 11 just now. I'm headed to the gym right now to get rid of some of this.

[Fawkes]

Re: Therapy? Where were you, what did you feel

I wanted to be there. Had planned to be there. And was going to be there with my 13 year old daughter. It was going to be a chance to be one on one with her experiencing the single "thing" I love most.

We weren't. The reason why was unimportant. I was disappointed at first. Even a little angry. Then race week started. All the self-pity was quickly replaced with a voracious appetite for information.

First came the reports on AAFO about arrivals and how the crews looked. Who was ready. Who was still wrenching. PM's crazy trip. Where's the Ghost? Strega saying "Catch me if you can!"

Then came Wednesday and lo' and behold the audio feed! Quickly, I checked to see if it would work on my iPhone/iPad. Nope. Dammit! Find solutions to get the stream to play on them. Bingo!

Thursday? Perfect. Listened off and on wherever I was. Friday morning? Still looking good. Then...what happened to the stream? Dammit again!

Since we were in town, the family is heading to the girls' school's homecoming football game. We load up with one last check of AAFO and results on RARA. Last post - Gold Headed Out.

Get to the game. Lots of excitement. Talking to friends. Kickoff in less than 8 minutes and it starts to sprinkle. Off on a dash to the truck to grab the umbrella. Just enough time to sneak a peak at AAFO. "Ghost down..." and "WTF just happened" at the top of the list.

Froze in the middle of a school parking lot. Read quickly. Shaking. Numb.

Back in the stadium. Hug my oldest (16) daughter Amelia. See Kelly (wife) who immediately knows something is bad wrong. I simply say it is Reno and it is bad. Step to the restroom to gather myself. Come back to find my daughters waiting to hug their father.

No longer angry or disappointed. Only sad. And more than a sliver relieved.

You see...Abigail, my 13 year old, who was to be there with me, had a very clear favorite plane and pilot from our previous visits to Reno.

Cloud Dancer and Jimmy Leeward.

James