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The Love of Commercial Flying

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  • The Love of Commercial Flying

    The Love of Commercial Flying

    To those of you who fly a lot, this may help you to "lighten up" the next time the airlines of your choice causes you major aggravation!!

    All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:


    On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

    Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

    On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

    "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

    "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

    As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

    After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

    From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised"

    "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

    "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

    "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

    "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

    And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

    Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

    Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

    Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

    An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady (probably my friend Viola) walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"

    After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on the horn, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

    Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

    A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the Captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

  • #2
    Two I've Actually Heard

    You really do have to love SWA FA's! There are two of your quotes MA, that I've actually heard versions of over the last year or so..

    "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
    Slightly different, but humoriously similar... on an SWA flight to Reno..

    ""In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, or you are sitting next to someone acting like one....."

    And... on another SWA flight..

    "Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
    This one was actually spoken by the FA as she gave the seat cushion, mask, exit, etc. briefing...

    And, one that was not on the list, on yet another SWA flight, as we pulled up to the gate at Reno, Christmas before last, when I flew down for the Rare Bear Christmas party... the song was sung to the tune of a carol that I can not remember exactly the tune, nor the balance of the words, but it went on and on about SWA and how well they loved all of us and it ended with these words, still being sung to the tune of the Christmas carol...

    "and just remember, if you marry one of us, you fly for free!"...

    The folks in the cabin cracked up with such vigor, when the pilot, or FO opened the cabin door as we finally stopped, he was surprised and curious at the amount of smiles and giggles he was greated with... "what'd she do this time?" was his reaction...

    YOU GOTTA LOVE SWA!!!

    Wayne
    Wayne Sagar
    "Pusher of Electrons"

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    • #3
      Re: Two I've Actually Heard

      Originally posted by AAFO_WSagar
      You really do have to love SWA FA's!

      Wayne
      One of my partners, on a SWA flight from Reno to Denver no less, was told: "The bottom cushion is a flotation device in the unlikely event that our flight turns into a cruise."

      You're right, ya gotta love these folks!

      MAE

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      • #4
        Speaking of SWA..check out "Airline" on A&E 10pm PST on Mondays. See what goes on BEFORE the planes are boarded! I have first hand experience. I could write a book! ha!

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by connie
          Speaking of SWA..check out "Airline" on A&E 10pm PST on Mondays. See what goes on BEFORE the planes are boarded! I have first hand experience. I could write a book! ha!
          Connie, I keep missing that show but have seen ads for it... it really does look interesting... I'll have to mark my calendar!

          Wayne
          Wayne Sagar
          "Pusher of Electrons"

          Comment


          • #6
            C'mon, Wayne... No comments about AWA?
            Scotty G

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Scotty G
              C'mon, Wayne... No comments about AWA?
              been there, done that..... no comment...

              Seriously, I doubt that I fly as often as many do but over the last two years, I've done more than usual. I always have to fly, whoever is cheapest, sometimes, that's SWA, sometimes UA, AA, and last time, it was AWA....

              Out of all of them, SWA has the most cheerful and pleasant FA's..

              Without exception, all the guys (and ladies) in the cockpit have, as far as I could tell, flown with skill....

              I'm sure they don't have to deal with the "pressures" involved with dealing with the "flying public". Over those two years of several flights, I've seen some pretty ... err... not nice examples of how to deal with that flying public. Never by cockpit crews.

              Nuff said..

              Wayne
              Wayne Sagar
              "Pusher of Electrons"

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